


Black Friday

by ThatOtherFangirl



Series: The Florida Kids' Story [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: Gen, No relationships either bc this takes like a month and the OCs are new kids so what are crushes, This is legit the whole Black Friday episode trio but from one OC's perspective, no beta readers we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 22:09:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19876864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOtherFangirl/pseuds/ThatOtherFangirl
Summary: Right before Black Friday, Beth and her dad move to South Park, Colorado, so he can take up being the new manager at the GameStop in their mall and to get away from the nastiness that was leftover from Cthulhu attacking their town a few years back.





	1. The Divide

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, y'all! I'm back with another fanfic because I recently played Stick of Truth and wanted to tell the story of my New Kid: a self insert, if you will. Her best friend is also based on my fiancee's self insert! Most of the dialogue and action is ripped straight from the episodes, which I didn't want to mess with the continuity of by throwing in two new characters. There will be a sequel and a third story after these based on Stick of Truth and Fractured But Whole, including DLC for the FBW one!

Beth leaned her head on the window of the car that held her, her dad, and their possessions that couldn’t fit in the U-Haul in front of them. She didn’t know why, but her dad moved them from Florida all the way to Colorado, something about work. Thankfully, she wasn’t alone. Nik, her best friend from birth, was also forced to move because her stepdad got a better job offer in the same town they were moving to: South Park.

Having finished her unpacking by the end of the day, Beth’s dad allowed her to go outside to play and find out where her best friend’s house was. The brunette 10 year old peeked outside and bundled up appropriately, a black parka with a hood to protect her ears from the cold, as she was used to the Florida heat and humidity. After taking a few steps to get to the sidewalk going along the road, she saw some boys around her age in LARPing gear heading for a house to her left. Deciding it’d be fun to make some friends, she texted Nik about her plan and tagged along to the back of the group, ending up next to a blonde boy in a light blue tunic who seemed excited someone new was in the group.

“Well, hey there! Are you one of the two new kids?” His question seemed so genuine, Beth couldn’t help but answer. “Yeah! Just moved here, same as my best friend. What’s going on here?” He looked like her question genuinely confused him for a moment before he was smiling again, “We’re on our way to a meeting to see what the Wizard King is calling us for! Wanna join us? I’ve got a spare costume in my backpack!” While that did make her head spin a little, she nodded in agreement, “Of course! I love Medieval LARPing, so I’m more than happy to join in!” Little did the kid she was talking to know that she had latex half-elf ears and a small natural makeup look in her Ita bag.

“Oh! I totally forgot!” he was smiling and rubbing the back of his head as they continued to walk, “My name’s Butters! What’s yours?” His forgetfulness in the excitement of a new friend made her giggle a bit, “I’m Beth, and my best friend is Nik!”

It took a bit, since she had to go to the bathroom upstairs to get into her new costume that fit fairly well, thanks to her and Butters being about the same size, before she could head into the basement for the meeting. She sat in the back of the three rows of folding chairs that were set up in front of a long table, since it was the least suspicious spot to be in. Maybe Nik was there, too? Only time would tell.

There was, indeed, a wizard who looked and acted like he was the king of the whole land. He lead the meeting, pointing out that the newest consoles were coming out soon, a fact Beth knew about since her dad was getting one of each on the day that they were going to be released. She had an unfair advantage and she was only 2 minutes into this meeting!

After a lot of discussion between the kids that clearly have been there most or all of their lives, everyone headed upstairs and the new girl hung back, surprised none of the boys made a fuss about a girl in their ranks. Even more surprising was that she found her best friend in the shadowy corner as everyone went upstairs. “Nik? What’re you doing here?” the brunette asked her raven haired friend, who was hiding in what looked like a thief's cloak and mask. Deciding to stick to her new silent routine, Nik took out her phone and texted Beth her answer. _I’m a thief. I’ve been here a day longer than you and the boys have no idea I’m even a girl, they just think I’m a thief that showed up and decided to stay._ “While that description might not be wrong, we should probably follow the guys so we don’t look suspicious.” With a nod between them, the best friends followed the group quickly upstairs and into the backyard of the house.

It took a few hours, but Beth and Nik had established themselves as good allies to the boys, the brunette helping with fighting stances and techniques while the raven haired girl helped show them which tools to use in case the doors of the mall were still locked when they were going inside for it. Things were going pretty well, factions were being added left and right and the fighters were getting better with training. Though, something went awry when someone, Kyle if Beth remembered correctly, had mentioned the fighting would be for Xbox Ones. This caused the thief, Craig as the Wizard King had pointed out, to voice his concerns, splitting the rather large group into two: Those fighting for Xbox Ones, and those fighting for Playstation 4s. Beth had teamed up with the former, staying near Kyle who seemed distraught his own best friend, much like hers, had decided to fight on the other side.

“You had your head so set, because… That’s just how Xbox people are.”

With that, the team was divided, and Beth’s only regret was that she didn’t tell everyone she was already going to get both consoles.


	2. That's Just How Xbox People Are

A few days into getting to know the boys on her side, Beth had been put to the task of gathering some of the key factions to their ranks. Particularly, she had gained the trust of the Federation kids, a group she would have to tell Nik about, especially with her impressing the Wizard King and the knight, whom she learned was named Clyde, with her knowledge of proper greetings and basics in Klingon. That, combined with the Xbox One’s faster framerate, sealed the deal between the factions.

After a successful merger, she was dragged back downstairs and outside. “Train here, but stay close,” the Wizard King, or Cartman she had learned, cautioned her, “we’re having a meeting and our ranger, Kyle, has taken an interest in you joining the higher ranks, New Kid.” She was used to being called “New Kid”, since she had been there for about a week and no one beyond Butters bothered to learn her name. Maybe this would be how she gained their trust enough to have them learn her name!

During the meeting, she kept a close eye on the boy in the green hat, who looked as sad about his best friend not being on their side as she felt, since she was in the exact same situation but knew it was just a console and they would still be besties. As she was about to go comfort him, Butters had an outburst when Cartman mentioned “Out-Game-of-Thrones-ing” Stan, which caused the brunette to jump almost completely back to her post as trainer. The usually soft spoken boy was apparently upset about dicks, which she understood; Game of Thrones had too many dicks for her to keep track of, so her dad basically gave her the cliff notes on each episode.

Everyone had started to give Butters crap for his outburst until Clyde spoke up, “Uh, guys, there might just be more than the Sony people we have to worry about.” Everyone was curious, and even Beth leaned in to see what her fellow brunette was showing on his phone. “Twitter says they’re announcing a new Elmo doll this Christmas.” “What new Elmo doll?” Cartman raised an eyebrow as he asked the question, honestly baffled people were still buying toys for kids younger than them. With a tap of the screen, the trailer played and everyone discussed it before going about their duties in the kingdom.

The whole faction had been doing well for a few days, and Beth was even friendly acquaintances with a few of the higher ranking boys, who all mistook her name and called her Ben which didn’t really bother her. She saw it as being seen as one of the boys, which was a plus in her book. She had even made friends with some of the Federation kids, and Nik was still in contact so they could still be best friends on the down low. Though, some unusual news got to the camp about a “Black Friday Bunduru” for the Playstation 4 and Kyle looked down again. This time, Beth decided to be a better friend.

“You’re thinking about Stan, aren’t you?” Her question was innocent enough, but her forwardness still surprised him to his feet from the stump he was sitting on, sitting back down when he saw it was the new kid that had been trusted to train the other factions in combat. “Yeah… It’s just… Why can’t Xbox One let you preorder Metal Gear Solid 5?” he had a hurt look in his eyes, which signaled to Beth that he wanted an honest answer. “Look,” she sighed, “pre-ordering isn’t worth it. When you pre-order something, you’re promising to pay for something some assholes in a studio haven’t even finished yet.”

As if to punctuate what she stated, Cartman decided to butt in to the conversation. “You wanna know what you get when you pre-order a game?

“A big dick in your mouth.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW, side note, all the kids aren't yet named because Beth is still new and learning everyone's names.


	3. Wavering Loyalty

A few more days had passed since the “Black Friday Bunduru” was announced, and it affected the troops fighting for Xbox Ones badly. Beth was only able to persuade them by telling them she has a girl’s username on Xbox and being friends would make them look cooler. She had one more boy to convince, one that liked girls so much he played as one: Kenny. She wasn’t going to tell anyone she got his name by bribing a lower level thief, being a level 12 knight herself, but she was damned and determined to keep him.

That’s why it came as a shock that he had switched sides almost overnight.

Days had gone by, and sparring had become a regular sport in the kingdom Cartman had established. Beth was standing next to the king, opposite of Clyde, as she watched the fight between Butters and Scott take place. Neither of them had proper form or strength, she would have to insist they be something else. The blond was too nice to be a fighter, maybe a healer class would work for him, and the brunet was too uncoordinated for fighting, so maybe a weaponsmith would work best for him. The crowd around the two seemed amused, but the boy on the throne and the two beside him didn’t seem as enthralled as the others.

“Alright, stop! Stop!” Cartman spoke as he hopped off of his chair and went up to the two fighters, “This is not how you fight!” Beth let out a sigh of relief, thank god someone had some sense around here. “We survey each enemy and target their weak points!” he continued to shout so the whole backyard could hear him, “Scott Malkinson has diabetes, so we hit him in his weak spot!” That made her eyes go wide and she couldn’t move fast enough to save the poor boy, only having taken three steps before he was smacked with Cartman’s staff. That was the last straw.

“ENOUGH!” she shouted above him, interrupting his speech on the Playstation army and bringing all eyes to her, “Who do you think you are, beating my men and saying it’s a “demonstration”?! These two are clearly not fighters, don’t you see that?” She had motioned to Butters to take Scott to the healers’ tent, where she knew the blond would help with the wound and possibly broken nose, before getting in Cartman’s face, “Beyond assessing weaknesses, we assess everyone’s strengths! That’s how we grow into a greater army! Have you just been playing Call of Duty so much you forgot how a real army works?” While the look on his face was priceless as she basically denounced his position in the army for Xbox One, she took a breath and backed off just a bit, “Put me back on training duty and I will make sure we have the best army for Black Friday.” It was a promise she knew she could keep, she had trained them before and she was more than capable of training them again. It took him a moment to think before he rolled his eyes, “Fine, fine, train them and make sure they’re ready for the coming battle.”

With that, Cartman headed inside and talked to Kyle as Beth organized the training sessions. “Alright, listen up!” she started with a small smile, drawing everyone’s attention again, “Fighters, we’ll divide you into classes based on your skill sets! Healers, be near the healing tent with salves and potions ready for when anyone gets hurt!” She did sound like she was barking orders, but it was honestly freeing to see that the boys under her command did as they were told with more energy than when the king told them to do anything. Maybe they just liked her energy more? Maybe they liked how she stayed by their sides, giving tips and even sparring against the ones that asked for more training? She didn’t know why, but she knew that she was the key to winning this battle, and she had only been in South Park for less than a month.


	4. War is Coming

Beth had only heard about Cartman sending Butters and Scott to see George R. R. Martin when the blond had asked for anyone to be his emergency contact in case something happened. When no one stepped up to the plate, she extended her hand and smiled, “I’ve gotcha, Butters!” With that, they had exchanged phone numbers and the pair of adventurers were off. She got frequent texts about what was happening, the texts slowing as they got to George R. R. Martin’s house. Though, she could hardly pay attention to them, when Cartman asked her and Kyle to walk with him.

Cartman’s mom, who revealed his real name was Eric and Cartman was their last name, drove them to a house where the bigger boy lead them to a garden in the backyard. It was really beautiful, almost to the point of distracting Beth from the topic of conversation.

“Sir Kyle, Sir Ben, I wanted to talk to you two about Stan,” Eric began as the trio walked through the garden. “If you want to make sure I’m not switching sides, you don’t have to worry,” Kyle replied with a hint of hurt in his voice, “Stan is wrong.” “It isn’t that,” the larger boy quickly adjusted the topic while two pairs of brown eyes were on him, “Princess Kenny is loved by her army, but Stan and a thief we can’t identify are still the nuts and balls of the operation.” Plucking a flower for each of them, he handed them over before continuing, “It would be a huge setback to the traitors if Stan and the thief were to be...grounded.” 

Beth’s heart stopped at the thought of getting Nik in trouble over something so trivial, though Kyle looked a bit more curious, “Grounded? For what?” “That could be up to you,” Cartman began until Kyle spoke up again, finally voicing both his and her concerns. “No, Cartman, you said nobody would have to get grounded. We’re not playing dirty.” “Fine, Sir Kyle. Perhaps you’re right,” the larger boy gave in, but she knew the look in his eye. He had a trick up his wizard sleeve.

They began walking again as Cartman opened his mouth once more, “Did you know that Stan’s dad is working a temp job as mall security?” “What?” Beth and Kyle spoke in unison now, as they both didn’t know Stan was capable of convincing his dad into such a position. “Seems a little convenient, doesn’t it?” the wizard smirked at his ranger and knight friends, “Stan with somebody on the inside to help him get his PS4s? Who’s playing dirty now?” They were given a split second to think before the king spoke again. “Listen, Sir Kyle, Sir Ben, this is all really about us getting our Xbox Ones. The rest are simply there to get us through those doors.”

Beth was still in shock as the old guy that actually owned the garden yelled at Cartman and Kyle, thinking about how to break the news that she also had someone on the inside. It wasn’t until they were back at the kingdom that she tapped on Kyle’s shoulder. 

“Kyle? Got a minute?” With a nod, he stood, “Yeah, dude, what’s up?” She led him to a secluded corner of the camp, behind a tent that she knew no one used. “Look, I know this is gonna sound weird, but you have to trust me,” she must’ve looked and sounded distraught, which wasn’t far from the truth, as her talking made him visibly worried. “It’s okay, I trust you since you’re a great leader,” he sounded genuine, which was a great note in her book. “Okay,” she took a deep breath before quietly letting it out, “I’ve got someone on the inside, too. My dad’s the new manager of the GameStop in the mall, it’s why we moved to South Park in the first place.” The news had shocked him, but he thought about it for a moment before smiling and putting a hand on her shoulder.

“Then why don’t we tell the whole camp?”


	5. A Song of Microsoft and Sony

After days of discussion and planning around Beth’s advantage, which was only slightly better than Stan’s as the GameStop was on the second floor and the guards were to be on the second floor where all the fighting would take place, Eric had hatched a plan and gathered everyone for it. They marched in lines directed by their head knight and trainer, who was proud she had an army at her fingertips no matter what the king said. This would definitely come in handy.

The army and the four other knights carrying the king on his throne stopped in front of the possibly grossest house Beth had ever seen. Was this where the Playstation army really met up every night after school? At least Eric’s house was clean and not falling apart. A red headed woman whom Beth presumed was a mother of one of the Playstation kids answered the door, “Yes?” She honestly looked a little confused at the amount of children in front of her. “Hi,” Eric started, “is Kenny home?” This was Kenny’s house?? That revelation baffled the brunette, but his lack of eating and taking food home when he could have made so much sense. “Yeah, he’s out back playing with his friends,” the woman seemed genuine enough, parents wouldn’t lie in their game of deceit and cheating. “Forward, men!” the king commanded, but the army stayed put as they watched the four knights in charge of the throne struggle to get it past the doorway first. Once it was through, Beth looked to the army, her army, and smiled, “Alright! We enter here in a nice manner so Mrs. McCormick doesn’t have to clean up after us! Have I made myself clear?” “YES, COMMANDER!” The entire army answering to her was music to her ears. “Then let’s go confront the princess!”

Once the army got through the back door, they saw their enemy army. Friends, Vamp kids, Goth kids, and other Playstation users alike preparing just like they did. Though, at the back, instead of a boring throne that could be carried, was a repurposed gazebo with a unicorn fastened to the top and a pink curtain draped over the entrance. Inside was where the fairest of the land sat upon her honestly adorable throne: Princess Kenny.

“It’s the enemy,” the bard yelled as he looked Beth dead in the eyes, “Defensive puh-puh-positions!” The knight simply held up her hands, not in surrender, but in non-aggression as her king was lifted through the door. “I seek audience with the traitor Lady McCormick!” Eric shouted over the booing and hissing of the enemy army.

“Let them pass!” Beth recognized that voice as Stan, who was in the same rank as her. That meant she absolutely had to stand by her king, in case he got any bright ideas while they were on enemy grounds. The Playstation army parted ways, allowing the Xbox king and his trusted knights to get close to the princess. Though, all eyes were on them in case they tried anything funny while they were away from home base.

As Kenny spoke, Beth couldn’t hear a damn word and didn’t quite understand until Stan spoke up, “The princess bids your fat ass welcome to her kingdom, and suggests you state your purpose.” Ah, so this was a conversation between the royals and the ranger was just a translator. Good to know. “You can’t win this, guys,” Eric started, making the brunette question why he was on negotiation duty when it should be Kyle or Kevin from the Starfleet, “Look around you. Lay down your weapons, and you can come and fight for Xboxes with us on Black Friday.” This had been discussed and Eric was advised that this wouldn’t work, but hey, Beth thought at least she’d want to visit the other kingdom. It wasn’t as bad as she thought it was, but she did silently will for her king to shut up and just turn around. She wasn’t even concerned that among the crowd was her best friend in her high ranking thief outfit.

The princess’s muffled talking snapped Beth out of her thoughts and brought her back to the moment, straightening up as Stan translated again, “The princess says that if you want to change your mind and agree that Playstations are better, she’ll consider it.” Both sides were asking for the impossible, that wasn’t good. “Kenny, we all understand wanting to play as the chick once in a while, okay?” Eric rolled his eyes before motioning to Beth, “Even Sir Ben here wanted to play as one, but I denied his request so that he could be an awesome knight.” That honestly sparked some anger in the knight, which was apparently just a visible enough flash that the ranger she was opposite to had softened his gaze a little. Did he just put together that she’s a girl? Or did he just think Beth was a guy and was denied a role she wanted? Either way, Eric kept talking, “But you are never going to be a real princess.”

“WHAT?!” was the only word Beth understood from Kenny before the muffled talking happened again and Stan had to translate once more, “The princess calls you a ball-licking lesbian.” Uh, alright. “That doesn’t even make sense,” Eric raised an eyebrow before Kyle stepped forward. 

“Stan, this has gone too far, people are going to get hurt,” there was something different in the Jewish boy’s tone that Beth couldn’t place, even though she wasn’t very good at reading the boys, “What you started is way out of control.” “What I started?” Stan was honestly offended that his best friend was accusing him of when it was really the fault of the companies and advertisers, “How dare you?” “All these people are going to be gaming on the Xbox,” Kyle motioned to the army that had been expertly trained for this moment, “Do you just wanna game with Craig for the rest of your life?” Beth assumed that was Nik’s fellow thief, considering she just then noticed the pair standing side by side to her right. “I would rather game with Craig than spend one minute having to set up an Xbox Live account,” the ranger with the blue helmet stated boldly, unaware that the knight everyone thought was a boy knew you could also set up an email with that Xbox Live account, “We will get our Playstations tomorrow, and you buttholes will have nothing!”

“You’re outnumbered ten to one,” Eric butted in with a fact that Beth gave him before they came in, not telling him the number ratio was given to her by her best friend on the enemy team, “and there’s no time left. How will you win?” An excellent question that had the ranger and the princess lock eyes for a moment before the former deflated, immediately straightening up and keeping his determined demeanor.

“The Gods will find us a way.”


	6. Kenny's a whAT??

Shortly after the Xbox army had gotten back to Eric’s house, Beth went straight back to training her soldiers, preparing them for the war that was the following day. The whole group had a bit of a shock, though, when Mrs. Cartman brought in a guest that could help train the army: Bill Gates himself. This brought up the spirits of the whole camp, which was great for everyone in leadership.

Though, the high spirits the army was riding on was shot down by Clyde watching his phone on full blast, showing that the Channel 9 News had announced that Black Friday was moved back by one week to make sure everyone was prepared for the battle. This worried some of the army, but the brunette stayed strong, turning to her army as the report ended, “This means nothing! We will keep training, becoming better fighters than we ever were! We have our Wizard King, we have our noble knights, and we have our vast army! We will get inside those doors and get our Xboxes!” This made the soldiers pause before agreeing with her, nodding and grinning as they went back to training.

A day later, the army gathered around Beth, Kyle, and Clyde reporting to Cartman about what Princess Kenny did. “What?” Eric was pinching the bridge of his nose between his pointer finger and his thumb, “He flew down in a parachute and he did what?” “Apparently,” Clyde was the one with his phone out reading the news that everyone was curious about, “he stopped Microsoft from blockading the shipment of PS4s to the mall. Looks like he’s all over the place winning the console wars for Sony.” That definitely got Beth’s heart to drop, how could one princess do so much in so little time? “Because, what,” the king was looking for a rational reason for all of this madness, “Because he’s cute?” “Cartman, he’s got everyone on Sony’s side, we can’t stop him,” Kyle stated matter-of-factly. “But what does he do,” Eric was still looking for an answer, same as Beth, “besides that he’s cute?”

Mrs. Cartman interrupted by opening the door and was holding the house phone, “Sweetie, Bill Gates is on the phone for you.” Beth figured she didn’t see him a lot after the first bought of training, since he was still a big CEO and all. “Tell Bill Gates to suck my ass, Mom!!” Well, that was rude and definitely not how the brunet should talk to his mom. As she walked away, Eric thought for a moment before speaking up again, “Mom? Don’t seriously tell Bill Gates to suck my ass. Tell him everything’s cool and I’ll call him in a little bit.” Wow, no apology? That’s rude as hell and left a bad taste in Beth’s mouth.

“This would have never happened if you would have let Kenny be a princess in the first place,” Kyle brought the subject back into the conversation. “He’s not a princess,” the king practically spat, “he’s a dude!” Oh boy, Beth was just liking this king less and less as he talked, why did she even take his side in the first place? Maybe she can convince her army to go against him when the fighting starts so they can be ruled under a fair queen that rose up through the ranks like they did. “Well, unfortunately for us,” the boy in the green hat argued, “he’s now on the other side! We’re out of options.”

“What are you saying, Kyle?” the king looked a little pissed but curious, which Beth knew played in the trusted trio’s favor. “I have an idea,” he turned to the army surrounding them and took a few steps, “I don’t like it, but I think it’s the only choice we have.” Curiously, the brunette followed the ranger as he talked, “Apparently, there’s a door directly into the mall through the Red Robin, which can be rented out entirely for wedding parties.” Her eyes widened as he pointed to a map of the mall, specifically at the restaurant on the right side, “If we managed to talk to the Playstation army and trap them here, we can use that entrance for ourselves and get inside before the fighting starts.”

It was honestly a brilliant plan, one that could work if everyone pitched in their lunch money from the past week from both armies. It helped that the Playstation army thought they were going to flank from the left, which was viable since they had an insider that already knew about the plan. Beth nodded enthusiastically and held out her battle axe that she fashioned from a downed stop sign she found on the side of the road once, “Men, we have a plan from our own brilliant Kyle! Let’s gather once more and head to the enemy’s fields to convince them!”


	7. Planning a Wedding

It wasn’t long before the leaders of the Xbox army were back at Kenny’s backyard again, the grounds for the Playstation army’s camp. Beth had already shot Nik a text about the plan, who promised she would bring up the plan to the other higher ups so the Xbox army would be able to properly negotiate. 

Beth was at the front of the group and beside her king and ranger with a grin, axe in hand as she saw the Playstation army gather around them. “Go ahead and tell him, Cartman,” Kyle practically ordered him, shocking the brunette just a tad. “Alright,” Eric started, “On behalf of the Xbox Fighters of Zaron, we hereby lay down our arms. We give up, okay?” That was a little more rushed than the knight would have preferred, but to show they meant business, she gently laid her axe on the ground in front of her. Granted, she was the only one that thought to actually make that gesture, but it was the nail in the coffin for Playstation being betrayed. They all knew this was a trap for the “Red Robin Wedding” they were planning, but it had to be done so they could get inside the mall to get their Xboxes. 

The thief that Nik was normally next to, Craig if Beth remembered correctly, actually laughed and smiled a bit, a rarity for anyone nowadays, causing Eric to outburst, “Shut up, Craig! This is very difficult! You guys win, alright?” He had calmed down as he motioned to the group around him, “We’ll all play on Playstation 4s. We still think that the Xbox is a superior machine, but you guys got too many people on your side.” A falsity that Beth was well aware of, but she wasn’t going to state that while they were so close. “And then Kenny became a Japanese princess,” Eric sighed, finishing his speech. “Nobody saw that coming,” Clyde added, wanting to be included.

“Look, the truth is,” Kyle butted in, bringing up a valid point, “we all have a bigger problem now, and you know it. Nobody’s going to get anything if we don’t work together against those thousands of other shoppers.” “So, better a PS4 than nothing,” Stan argued, “Is that it? I think we’ll take our chances on our own.”

As Stan, Craig, and the bard Beth never learned the name of, walked away, Beth spoke up, “We know a way inside the Red Robin!” While she looked a little desperate while the rest of her crew looked a little pissed their fake surrender didn’t work, she knew her fellow commander would want to listen to a legitimate battle strategy. “You can’t be the only ones that thought of it,” she continued as the trio stopped in their tracks, “We’re gonna use the Red Robin entrance, too. It can be rented out for wedding parties!” Kyle stepped forward and added on, “If we all chip in, we can pay for the deposit to have a wedding party there.” “Hey, that could work,” Craig spoke up, actually sounding surprised that someone thought of a brilliant plan. “Let’s do this together, dude,” the ranger took another few steps forward, looking longingly at his best friend, “Our only shot at playing any next gen console is by teaming up.” Seeing the leaders of the Playstation army turn around made his demeanor soften just a bit, “If you wanna game on a PS4, then I do, too.” “And you swear you’ll be okay with that?” Stan genuinely asked, probably to make sure this wasn’t a trick, “You won’t ever talk about the Xbox being better ever again?” “I swear, Stan,” the ranger held up his right hand in a “scout’s honor” way, but Beth and the rest of the Xbox fighters could see that his left hand was behind his back to hide a pair of crossed fingers, meaning he was lying, just like they intended.

“Alright, guys, looks like we’ve got a wedding to plan.”


	8. Red Robin Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up y'all, this one's a doozy, mostly because I took most of the last episode and crammed it into one final chapter. The next part of the series is gonna be Stick of Truth, I promise!

Between training sessions with new and old soldiers being added in, Kyle had actually asked Beth for her insight on some of the wedding party plans, as this had to look as authentic as possible. Thankfully, gender roles were finally of use and she helped with the “girlier” parts of the wedding under the misheard guise that she was gay instead of everyone realizing she was actually a girl. Either way, she was going to do her best for her army. 

Though, when Eric got back from his walk with Stan, Stan was gone and that signaled to the whole army that something was off. However, this didn’t stop them from building alliances that would initially be broken at the Red Robin Wedding.

The week went by like a breeze, and the two armies were helping put together the wedding party at the Red Robin with the help of the Red Robin staff. Beth was helping with floral arrangements and ribbons, knowing the more authentic it looked, the better. Thankfully, she had the help from a blond barbarian, Tweek, that had been initially on Playstation’s side. She hated that she’d eventually betray him, he seemed really nice!

As the pair of decorators walked by Eric and Kyle, the latter seemed distressed, “Cartman, Cartman! I heard Stan somehow found out about our plan!” This caused the pair to stop and look at the ranger and the king. “Yes, he did,” the king replied flatly as the ranger looked concerned. “What the hell are you doing?” the ranger’s voice was getting louder, concerning Beth as she glanced to Tweek, “This isn’t gonna work now!” The king shushed him, dragging him away, “It’s fine, Kyle.” The rest of the conversation was out of earshot for the knight, so she moved along with the barbarian to get more decorations.

Hours later and the wedding party was in full swing. Beth was at a table placed to the right of the main table, where Kenny and Eric sat. She was between her new barbarian friend, Tweek, and the bard she finally learned was named Jimmy. Even Nik was there, next to Craig and Kyle at the table opposite of hers. Everyone was enjoying the food, drink, and general fun of socializing right before their greatest battle. It broke her heart that she had to betray her new friends within the hour, but it’s what had to be done.

“Everyone, everyone,” Eric stood and called attention to himself, drawing everyone’s hopeful eyes, “A Black Friday toast! How awesome that we are all friends again.” Beth knew he was bullshitting, but she was nonetheless happy that she’d have friends after this frankly dumb battle. “Soon, we will all have our Playstation 4s!” The crowd cheered, most like the knight that lifted her glass and took a quick gulp of their respective sodas as the Wizard King addressed the princess next to him, “And to you, my old friend, Princess Kenny. You really look stunning, no doubt the Gods have smiled upon your perky boobs.” The knight knew what a stuffed bra looked like, but she wasn’t going to break the character more than she already had.

Beth tapped on her now empty glass, full enough that she wouldn’t throw up during the fighting and wondering why the mall hadn’t opened yet. Maybe the ribbon cutter was just taking forever? That sometimes happened in her hometown, so she understood what that meant: more bloodshed once the doors opened. Locking eyes with Nik across from her, she had a split second to react before Eric was panicking. “Clyde?” he glanced around, confused and scared, “Where the hell is Clyde?!” Kyle approached the table in the confusion, “Princess Kenny, I believe it’s time we return the Wizard’s hospitality.”

Suddenly, a wooden sword was at Beth’s throat, her tunic collar pulled back by Jimmy to restrain her from reaching for her battle axe. “What the hell is this??” Eric questioned as Kenny put a cardboard sword to one of his chins. “I’m sorry, Cartman,” Kyle spoke up, “There’s been a little change in plan.” “Sir Kyle, they’re about to open the mall!” the king tried to reason, “What are you doing?” “I’m no longer an Xbox guy. I let my friend get grounded, but today, I will get him a Playstation.” That was a bold move, betraying his own kind for his best friend. Maybe Beth would have to make it up to Nik once the fighting was done, it was a little hard to think when she was held at sword point by the honestly strong as hell bard. “Kyle, the Playstation controller sucks and you know it!” “The fight is over, Cartman-” Kyle was interrupted by someone else suddenly appearing on the scene.

“It’s not over,” Bill Gates approached with a gun in hand, confusing everyone at the party, “Looks like I came just in time.” “Oh, Bill Gates!” Eric was honestly excited as the much older man stepped further into the center of the party, “Sweet! In your face, Kyle!”

“You will not interfere, Bill Gates!” Another shocker, the head of Sony showed to break up the fight that was about to break out, “These children will get their PS4s.” Signature muffled speaking signalled that Kenny was ecstatic about the latest surprise. Kyle, however, was understandably confused, “Wait a minute, how in the hell did these two guys end up here?” “They’re not part of your betrayal?” Eric was just as confused as everyone else. “No, they’re not part of your betrayal?” “No, whose betrayal is this?”

The sound of metal against metal drew everyone’s attention away from the rising tension, showing Stan had coordinated the whole ordeal between the two CEOs. Turning from locking the doors to the mall together, he addressed the whole room, “We’re done with betrayals. It’s time to put an end to this.” As he approached, Kyle had a bit of hope in his voice, “Stan?” “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, Kyle, but I have a better idea,” Stan approached the crowd, hushed from the shock that a kid that was rumored to be grounded was standing before them, “This isn’t our war, you guys. It never was. We’ve been pitted against each other by two companies for the sake of marketing.” Everything was starting to click for everyone, the sword lowering from Beth’s neck was a good indicator of her own captor starting to get something she knew for almost her whole life, thanks to her dad working for GameStop back when it was still EB Games. “That’s why they want lines around the block, because they want a war to promote their product,” Stan boldly stood between the CEOs, “They don’t give a crap what kind of friendships it costs.” Glancing between them, he tossed his sword to the defenseless Sony CEO, “You two want a war so bad, then you fucking fight.” Quickly walking away to give them room, he stood next to Kyle, a place Beth noticed he was naturally comfortable in. The grip on her tunic was loosened, but like hell she was going to miss this fight.

The Sony CEO held the sword gently and respectfully as Bill Gates unbuttoned and slipped off his shirt, “Then let’s finish it, you and me, right here. Winner take all.” “Oh, dude, this is-” Eric was about to ruin the moment before Beth shushed him, not wanting the tension lost. “Then let this be your last fight, Bill Gates,” the Japanese man spoke, a glaring contest between the two fighters before Bill threw the first punch.

The fight was brutal and bloody, ending with Bill Gates as the winner and blood decorating the windows outside into the mall. Everyone had witnessed the end of the console wars and a legit murder, so it was a shocker when Bill spoke up, “It’s over. Xbox wins!” “Yay, Xbox wins,” Eric spoke, a bit shaken like everyone else in the room, “Yay.”

The doors into the mall opened to reveal a rather disheveled looking mall security guard with a concerning scar over his left eye, “Stan! You’re alive! I saved you!” Beth glanced between him and Stan, wondering how he had a connection to him. “It’s okay, Beyonce, the fight’s over,” he kept panting, revealing to the more clueless of the crowd that the wedding was rumored to be between two celebrities to make sure the place was left alone, “You can still shop.” With a groan, he fell over. Bill Gates was still panting from the fight, encouragingly telling the crowd, “Go on, kids. Go get your Xboxes.”

As O Christmas Tree rang out in the mall’s loudspeakers, Beth lead the way to her dad’s GameStop, observing all the bloodshed and death on the way. She teared up as they got to the safety of the gaming store, her dad behind the counter with a horrified look that softened to a smile when he saw his daughter was okay and with friends. “Happy holidays, guys,” he greeted, as one always does when hired by a giant retail corporation, “What can I get for you?” “We’d like to get Xbox Ones, please,” Eric spoke up, the whole group in a sort of shell shock. Beth spoke up, “I know you’re getting one, Dad, but can I have one of my own?” This news shocked the rest of the kids, but her dad simply looked up and around before smiling down at her, “Of course, you guys made it through hell just to get these.”

Everyone received an Xbox and Beth’s dad happily drove everyone to their houses to drop the consoles off before finally dropping them all off at Eric’s house. The Wizard King and Stan had set up the console and started to play Sunset Overdrive, one of the few games offered on the Day One launch, while everyone else in the group watched. They were talking stats before Eric looked at his controller and paused the game, causing everyone to look at him.

“You guys wanna go play outside or something?”

The question shocked everyone watching, but they all followed when the bigger kid led them all outside. “Cartman, your side won dude,” Kyle pointed out, still a bit confused, “Why are you so sad?” “I just…” It took a second before Eric spoke again, “I can’t get the image of Bill Gates bashing that guy’s head apart out of my eyes.” Stan nodded in somber agreement. “Yeah, I know what you mean.” Everyone else nodded, even Beth and Nik did. “Well, look, guys,” Stan started up again, trying to lift everyone’s spirits, “Xbox won the console wars. What are we going to do, not play video games?” While a genuine question, no one seemed to have an answer. This caused Eric to straighten up and face the group.

“The last few weeks, we’ve been too busy to play video games, and look what we did!” The wizard motioned to his backyard, still decorated with training dummies, a weapons store, jail, and stables, “There’s been drama, action, romance. I mean, honestly, you guys. Do we need video games to play?” This was still a relatively foreign concept for Beth and Nik, but the rest of the group was nodding and agreeing, so they were on board as long as their new friends were, too. “Maybe we started to rely on Microsoft and Sony so much that we forgot that all we need to play are the simplest things. Like…” Eric looked on the ground and found a perfectly shaped stick that no one knew was about to shape their lives in the coming months, “Like this! We can just play with this! Screw video games, dude, who fucking needs them?” The sheer energy from the small group picking up over a simple looking stick easily swept up the Floridian girls as he kept talking.

“Fuck ‘em!”


End file.
